Why Are Men So Lonely?
As Jean Guerrero explores in her LA Times column, the epidemic of loneliness disproportionately affects men, particularly young men. Despite assumptions that younger generations might be more comfortable with intimacy, studies show that young men are among the most isolated. The 2023 State of American Men report by Equimundo revealed that two-thirds of men aged 18 to 23 feel that “no one really knows me.” Furthermore, a 2021 Survey Center on American Life study found that the share of men without a single close friend has quintupled since 1990, reaching 15%.
The question of why men, especially young men, are so lonely is pressing, given the severe consequences of social isolation, including extremism and early mortality. Guerrero’s column dispels the notion that traditional gender norms alone are to blame, as Gen Z men struggle more than older generations. Research points to the impact of individualistic cultures, where self-reliance and loose social networks exacerbate loneliness. Additionally, the rise of screen time and online distractions—from pornography to ideological provocations—has facilitated men’s withdrawal from meaningful offline relationships.
Guerrero highlights a deeper issue: young men’s search for purpose in a rapidly changing world where women are excelling in school and the workplace. Boys with progressive views of masculinity reportedly feel the least purpose, often retreating into the "manosphere." Experts like Richard V. Reeves, author of “Of Boys and Men,” argue that societal scorn for male grievances can drive men toward polarizing media figures and ideologies. Black and Latino boys from low-income households, Guerrero notes, are particularly vulnerable, seeking answers online to questions they cannot voice at home.
From an early age, societal expectations discourage boys from expressing vulnerability. Judy Chu, author of “When Boys Become Boys,” explains how boys, initially open and emotionally expressive, learn to suppress their feelings as they grow older. This emotional repression, even in progressive spaces, hinders their ability to form and nurture friendships. Chu advocates for creating safe spaces where boys can express their emotions without judgment.
Programs like the Ever Forward Club, founded by Ashanti Branch, demonstrate the effectiveness of fostering emotional openness among young men. Similarly, men’s support groups are gaining traction as platforms for emotional connection. Guerrero shares the example of Adam Dorsey, a yoga instructor in L.A., who created a men’s group where participants engage in exercise and breathwork before sharing their struggles in a judgment-free circle. Activities such as sports or hobbies with regular meet-ups can also help men build connections.
Despite these challenges, Guerrero emphasizes that men can relearn emotional closeness with support and empathy. Statistics show a stark contrast in emotional support received by men and women: only 1 in 5 men report receiving emotional support from a friend in the past week, compared to 41% of women. Addressing this gap requires collective effort to foster environments where men feel safe expressing vulnerability and forming deeper relationships.
